Too many apologies

I've been thinking a lot about my friend who was lost last Tuesday in a tragic car accident.  I'm remembering the lessons he taught me.

This friend of mine loved people and he loved listening.  He kept his schedule flexible so that he could be there for you whenever you needed him, regardless of everything else he had going on in his life.  We were going to build an amazing friendship...we had this connection which made our conversations flow so naturally.  I was endlessly curious about him and who he really was underneath his constant joking...he sometimes came across as not all that serious but every now and then I would ask him a question about his field he would quote all of the top scholars on the subject and instantly articulate a gem of an answer.  He always commented on how much he enjoyed talking with me and I was curious about that too...about exactly why he enjoyed talking to me when I could never articulate my ideas...could never remember who I was quoting or the words I wanted to say...always rambled from one subject to the next and never asked him questions about himself but was always going on selfishly about my own ideas.

On April 29th he came to an event I was helping with and we just fell into this conversation and kept talking for I don't know how long...I was completely immersed.  At some point I think I apologized for rambling or talking too much.  And I think I mentioned an article I'd read about how women are always apologizing, and how I do it too.  And he just looked at me with all of the sincerity you can imagine and said I should stop apologizing.

Later that same night I was running over to pick up a few groceries and was listening to a live set of the Well Pennies on public radio on my drive to the store.  Sarah Vanderpool, who makes up half of the band, kept cutting herself down (for example, "You are probably sick of hearing my voice" when of course I was in love with the sound of her voice and with the stories she was telling) and it really brought home to me how horrible it is to doubt yourself, or to worry so much about saying the wrong thing or to stop yourself from being authentic due to your fear of offending or annoying the people you are talking to.

This is one bit of wisdom which my dear friend (and synchronicity) left behind for me.

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