Back to School, Back to Work
On the same day my son returned to school (or would have, if not for the heat and school cancellations), I returned to work. Though I had been working part-time all summer, I received an offer for a full-time position at the end of August. My first layoff and summer of unemployment was a journey, one which forced me to grow a lot, but also one which made me question the force behind synchronicity.
For several years I have had a lot of faith in synchronicity--for me it has served as proof of a force at work in the world which scientists have yet to understand. Though at times I do question whether synchronicity is a figment of my imagination, the more common theme for me this year was whether I had been forsaken by the force which had blessed me with synchronicity. (By the way, I know this terminology sounds vaguely religious. I'm not trying to hint that I know what's behind synchronicity. I have no idea. But my feelings about the forces at work in the world are likely influenced by my Catholic upbringing.) I made some major mistakes last year, after which synchronicity seemed to disappear from my life. I had to wonder if I had fallen off the path I had been being led down by synchronicity.
Let me go back to the beginning. In May of 2012, I had my tarot cards read for the first time at a conference where they happened to be offering free readings as entertainment. I had done the free online tarot readings before, but this was the first (and only) time I did an in-person reading. I had read that before you do a tarot reading you should focus on a question, and my thoughts right before the reading were "How can I be a better mother?"
Then the cards were dealt. The news was almost all bad. I remember that my central card was the card representing mothers and almost all the others (at least those which the reader and I focused on) were dire warnings about a worsening financial situation. At that moment I was already struggling with my finances--barely making ends meet--and so I had been thinking about asking for a raise. The tarot reading came as a bit of a blow.
After the conference, I returned home and struggled through six more months of not having enough money. I never asked for a raise, and good thing. In addition, I spent the summer, fall, and winter making lots of mistakes in my personal life which I now bitterly regret. At the time, I believed that synchronicity could be guiding me in two separate directions and that whichever route I took could be "correct" in the larger scheme of my life. I also knew that there would be consequences for my actions regardless of which path I took. So saying that I regret my actions is an oversimplification of the matter. I do regret my actions, but at the same time, had I not taken them, I wouldn't be the same person I am now. My mistakes allowed me to learn more than I would have otherwise. Maybe. I can't ever be sure.
Soon after my season of personal mistakes, synchronicity seemed to disappear from my life. I didn't notice as many strange coincidences anymore (I wrote about a few in this blog, but I felt like they weren't happening on a regular basis or that they weren't leading to anything bigger). I felt abandoned. I wondered if I really had missed an opportunity to follow my calling in life--the calling being whatever synchronicity led me towards.
In December and January, my boss started acting weird--avoiding me all the time, canceling all of our meetings, and basically sending me strange vibes. When I checked with her assistant, I was assured that my boss was simply stressed out with personal issues. But another three months later, in April of 2013, I got called in and laid off. My last day was in May of 2013, one year after my tarot reading predicting financial strife.
I limped through the summer burdened by late fees and missed payments. My credit score surely took a hit. My mortgage company even sold my mortgage to a company that (apparently) handles high risk borrowers. And now, after barely scraping by on unemployment, I find myself employed again, just in the nick of time.
I should also mention that spending the summer of 2013 with my son was amazing and gave me the opportunity I was waiting for to focus on him. And now, secure again for a while, I can begin to trust again that this was the journey I needed to take this year. I know I'm stronger and smarter now than I was before. And I am again noticing subtle hints of synchronicity.
For several years I have had a lot of faith in synchronicity--for me it has served as proof of a force at work in the world which scientists have yet to understand. Though at times I do question whether synchronicity is a figment of my imagination, the more common theme for me this year was whether I had been forsaken by the force which had blessed me with synchronicity. (By the way, I know this terminology sounds vaguely religious. I'm not trying to hint that I know what's behind synchronicity. I have no idea. But my feelings about the forces at work in the world are likely influenced by my Catholic upbringing.) I made some major mistakes last year, after which synchronicity seemed to disappear from my life. I had to wonder if I had fallen off the path I had been being led down by synchronicity.
Let me go back to the beginning. In May of 2012, I had my tarot cards read for the first time at a conference where they happened to be offering free readings as entertainment. I had done the free online tarot readings before, but this was the first (and only) time I did an in-person reading. I had read that before you do a tarot reading you should focus on a question, and my thoughts right before the reading were "How can I be a better mother?"
Then the cards were dealt. The news was almost all bad. I remember that my central card was the card representing mothers and almost all the others (at least those which the reader and I focused on) were dire warnings about a worsening financial situation. At that moment I was already struggling with my finances--barely making ends meet--and so I had been thinking about asking for a raise. The tarot reading came as a bit of a blow.
After the conference, I returned home and struggled through six more months of not having enough money. I never asked for a raise, and good thing. In addition, I spent the summer, fall, and winter making lots of mistakes in my personal life which I now bitterly regret. At the time, I believed that synchronicity could be guiding me in two separate directions and that whichever route I took could be "correct" in the larger scheme of my life. I also knew that there would be consequences for my actions regardless of which path I took. So saying that I regret my actions is an oversimplification of the matter. I do regret my actions, but at the same time, had I not taken them, I wouldn't be the same person I am now. My mistakes allowed me to learn more than I would have otherwise. Maybe. I can't ever be sure.
Soon after my season of personal mistakes, synchronicity seemed to disappear from my life. I didn't notice as many strange coincidences anymore (I wrote about a few in this blog, but I felt like they weren't happening on a regular basis or that they weren't leading to anything bigger). I felt abandoned. I wondered if I really had missed an opportunity to follow my calling in life--the calling being whatever synchronicity led me towards.
In December and January, my boss started acting weird--avoiding me all the time, canceling all of our meetings, and basically sending me strange vibes. When I checked with her assistant, I was assured that my boss was simply stressed out with personal issues. But another three months later, in April of 2013, I got called in and laid off. My last day was in May of 2013, one year after my tarot reading predicting financial strife.
I limped through the summer burdened by late fees and missed payments. My credit score surely took a hit. My mortgage company even sold my mortgage to a company that (apparently) handles high risk borrowers. And now, after barely scraping by on unemployment, I find myself employed again, just in the nick of time.
I should also mention that spending the summer of 2013 with my son was amazing and gave me the opportunity I was waiting for to focus on him. And now, secure again for a while, I can begin to trust again that this was the journey I needed to take this year. I know I'm stronger and smarter now than I was before. And I am again noticing subtle hints of synchronicity.
I recently enjoyed a movie that you might also enjoy, called "Jeff, Who Lives at Home" - it's on Netflix if you have it! It's nothing earthshattering, but for me it wound up kick-starting the synchronicity pump. :)
ReplyDeleteQue sera sera - surf it!
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